By Susie Wickman at Genealogy Journey
Having flower girls at a funeral was not a concept I’d ever heard of before. Yet, while paging through the Zion Lutheran Church 100th Anniversary (1900-2000) book from Kramer, North Dakota, I found reference to it. This was the church that my mother grew up in, but I never heard her speak of this custom.
The flower girls would carry the flowers into the church ahead of the casket and then the undertakers would place them. Afterward, they would carry the flowers back out to the cemetery.
Referencing an article by Amanda Green, “For a hundred years or more, being asked to be a flower bearer at a funeral was an honor bestowed on nieces, granddaughters, and friends of the family. At least 40 years ago, girls as young as 7 or 8, relatives of the family of the deceased, often were asked to carry flowers at the funeral.
During the 1970’s, the tradition gradually shifted to older girls and adults, according to area funeral directors.”
Though the tradition of flower bearers is still alive in some Southern black communities today, 70 years ago, the tradition was common at both black and white funerals.”
“Before the funeral [a young girl] brought in the flowers on stands into the church and sat with the family of the deceased. . . After the funeral, she toted them out to the hearse and repeated the arrangement at the grave site.
These pictures show the girls wearing white, but there doesn’t seem to be a historical explanation for that.
But at predominantly white services, flower bearers aren’t common, and of those, were more frequent at country funerals.
This is just something I was never exposed to. Have you had an experience with funeral flower girls? Do you have a funeral flower girl story to share?
“Caring For The Special Needs Of Our Community” Dobratz-Hantge Chapel, Hutchinson, Minnesota
Evening, just saw a clip on Tictock featuring flower girls at funerals. My sister and I were flower girls at our dads funeral ten years ago ( circa 2014) . My dad was cremated so a memorial was arranged. The funeral was held in Jamaica, West Indies in a Episcopal church. My sister did some sinister stuff prior I just wanted to bop her. But my being the respectful eldest kept it together.
Michelle, thanks so much for stopping by. Thanks for sharing.
My mother was a flower girl at her grandfather’s August 1949 funeral in central Indiana. The rural Christian church where the funeral was held was not a black church. Mom’s grandfather, born in 1853, had been a long-time member of that church, and having his granddaughters act as flower girls had been his request, but I don’t know where he got the idea. The “girls” (who were in their late 20s to early 40s) wore their best summer dresses, which in those pre-air-conditioning days generally meant lightweight cotton fabric in pastels and floral prints. They were definitely not all wearing white.
This is the only instance of flower girls at a funeral that I’ve ever heard of personally.
Carol, thanks for stopping by. It seems a good idea for ‘funeral girls’ to be funeral women. How wonderful to have that story in your family history.
Thank you for providing this information. Although she has shared parts of this story many times before, yesterday was the first time I heard my grandmother mention that she was a flower girl at the funeral of her two young cousins who died in a freak accident in the mid forties. Like many others I had never heard of this and googled it, finding your article. Unfortunately this experience, rather than an honor as others have stated, was quite traumatizing for my grandma, leaving her with a lifelong horror of lilacs (the flowers she carried to the graves).
Savannah, I’m sorry the experience was traumatizing for your grandmother. This is not something I have any experience with. But I can see where it might have been traumatizing. The funeral alone for people she knew may already have been traumatizing. I’m sorry she had that experience. Thanks for stopping by.
Hello. I am a funeral Director in the Uk. i think this old tradition is really a wonderful Idea. So much so, I have decided to adapt it to be used when I arrange funerals. I have only been a Funeral Director for 33 years, but i have never come across this tradition before. Many Thanks Mr William Craddock
William, thanks so much for stopping by. Thanks you for sharing that with us. Maybe it will catch on.
I love traditions and the flower girl tradition is moving. I am writing historical fiction for 9 to 12-year-olds- set in rural Maine. At the beginning of the book, the protagonist attends her much-loved grandma’s funeral. I was researching what a young girl in 1933 would wear to a funeral when I came across your article. I would love to include the tradition in my story, but it seems like it would make my book inaccurate, as flower girls at funerals seem to be a southern tradition. Does anyone know of any stories of flower girls at funerals in New England?
Hi Shirley. Thanks for stopping by. I am so excited for your writing efforts as I too am writing children’s books. When I researched this, I had trouble finding a lot of information. At first I thought it was primarily a Southern thing, but my example was in North Dakota. Then I thought it might be based on certain churches but could find no information to support that. I see no reason it wouldn’t have happened in New England. And I suppose a family could decide to do it even if it wasn’t the tradition. My suggestion is to contact a research librarian in a large library and see what they can find. They have solved some pesky problems for me. They may be able to find the information you need. Good luck.
I just discovered a copy of my great-grandmother’s obituary from 1958 in southern Kentucky. I was quite surprised to learn I was a flower girl that day. Sadly I have no memory of this so I was happy to find your post. Of all the people mentioned in the article, only two of us are still alive and we don’t remember this. Thank you.
Charlotte, thanks for sharing that. I’m glad I was able to bring it to light. Thanks for stopping by.
I am an African American woman living in SC. We still have flower bearers at funerals in our area. Usually adult women- family members, friends or church members. I last served as such at my grandfather’s funeral in 2014, but it’s an ongoing practice
Deborah. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience. All the differences are so interesting.
I have been asked to be a flower girl for this up coming Tuesday for a funeral of a young man who was so dear to my husband and I. He was like a son to us.My husband has been asked to be an honorary pallbearer. I had never heard of flower girls for funerals ever ,just flower girls for weddings. So I googled it and got you . Thanks for providing this information. It helps me know kinda what to expect.
Mildred. Thanks for sharing that. I’m glad I could be of help. Thanks for stopping by.
I’m 60 yrs old and my 2 sisters and I were flower girls at funerals a few times growing up but the one time that stands out is I was around 7 years old and cousin was 9… We were really close in age so we were good friends as well…he had a head full of almost white hair and was so sweet. He was riding in the back of my uncle’s truck on the farm and they had just picked corn so the truck was loaded down. Some of the older cousins were throwing out their caps and each time my uncle would stop so they could get them, Darren threw his out and jumped out to get it and my uncle not knowing started backing up planning on just backing up so he could grab it. He ran over Darren’s head with that loaded down truck… horrible accident…I remember sitting on the front row at the church trying so hard not to cry because I had a very important job…flower girl.
I forget to mention I live in South Alabama.
Tina, that was a tough story to share. I hope that being able to be part of the service as a flower girl helped you deal with that situation. Thank you for sharing your story.
My great grandparents, Herman Neumann helped found the Zion Lutheran Church in Kramer. The town was called something else when they arrived in 1900 – and changed to Kramer. One of the relatives still lives near Kramer, his last name is Brandt. I was in the church in 2005 and also got a copy of the 100 anniversary booklet. There is a picture of my entire family in there. I am also Native American and during our Wake’s the children gather all the flowers and walk in from of the coffin leading the way to the church for the service. This makes them feel they are a part of this tradition. I am also glad that it was used in Missouri Synod Lutheran church although it was never done when I was growing up. A great tradition. I also remember my grandfather, William Neumann, saying that during the Xmas Celebration in the church the men stood in the back of the church so they could slip out and go home and put presents out indicating Santa was there.
Gary, thanks for stopping by. I know the Zion Lutheran Church very well. My mom’s family was from there. One of my cousins married a Brandt. I have Newmann’s in my family tree. Are you related to Herman or Erick? Thanks for commenting.
I was a flower bearer in my 20s mid 90’s in Georgia. It was my first experience. I am not from Georgia.
Hi Tammy. Thanks for stopping by. The mid-90’s seems fairly recent, although I guess that’s 20 years ago.
I was asked to be a flower girl at a friend’s funeral in Bakersfield CA back in late 1980’s
Maria, thanks for stopping by. Did you do it? Were you a young girl? What kind of experience was it? Was it fun or uncomfortable? Thanks for sharing.
My mother told me that she was a flower girl for a funeral in Southern Illinois during the late 1930’s or early 1940’s. The small country town, Buckner, had a lot of European immigrants who settled there to work in the mines.
Laura, thanks so much for stopping by. I find it very interesting, but I sure wasn’t exposed to it growing up.
In 1930’s it was very common.Im 93 and that is when I remember seeing flower girls in Ka nsas. not much after World War 1941-1945.
It was an honor and you were so pleased to be asked.
Dorothy, Thanks so much for commenting. It seems to be way more common than I was aware of it. It was unknown to me until I saw an article. Thanks for stopping by.